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8.9.06

At long last…

It seems as though you’ve been waiting as patiently for the story of my first moose meeting as I did get to meet my first moose. Excellent. Here goes….

The adventure began earlier than planned. Even before we left Ontario, I had a sneaking suspicion that I might have my first moose sighting. Little did I know I’d have two.

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Ok. Admittedly, the first was a bit of a letdown. The moose didn’t look very real, and to top it off, it did not look impressed by me at all.

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The second, though more life-like, was equally unimpressive. I was beginning to lose hope that I would ever run into the real thing. I mean, knowing my luck, the zoo would be closed or their resident moose would be out with the flu.

On Friday, after very little sleep due to Air Canada’s unexplained delay and some idiot’s decision not to take the plane after everyone was boarded and belted in, forcing the crew to go through all the luggage until they found his, we made our way over to the famed Saskatoon Forestry Farm. Let me mention first of all that we may have been the only adults there without children accompanying them. I felt a bit weird wandering around, but my mission was too important to abandon because someone might get creeped out by us.

I have to admit that the SFF was way better than I thought it would be. They have a tiger who was immense and beautiful and terribly annoyed at the sprinkler they had going off in her cage. Among other things, they also have a lynx, a grey wolf and two bald eagles, all of which I had never seen in real life before. The wolf was extremely cool. And scary. But he didn’t stay out of his house very long. We quickly learned that visiting the zoo at high noon in the heat of the summer isn’t the best idea.

Anyway, we made our way through all the sections; small animals, birds, carnivores. And as if the zoo knew I was coming, the hoofed animals were the last on the path. But I didn’t care. I was there and I was about to meet my moose.

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Unfortunately, the heat forced him into the water at the faaaaaaaaar end of his enclosure. I wasn’t able to get the feel for how giant moose really are – but he was still amazing. Much to Dan’s chagrin, I stood there snapping pictures from every angle for much longer than I should have.

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So, there you have it. I saw my first moose. I thought I would feel somewhat changed by it, but I feel quite the same as I did before the sighting. But it was still worth it. I can officially scratch it off my ‘101 things to do before I die’ list and concentrate on the next item, though I imagine that the African safari isn’t going to happen anytime soon.

Filed in: Holidays | Nostalgia
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August 10, 2006 - 7:51 am

Kris - I secretly didn’t believe in moose until I saw one live.

I still secretly don’t believe in the platypus.

August 10, 2006 - 8:45 am

Gary - Michelle and I saw a couple Platypus at the Sydney aquarium. How big do you think they are? 2 or 3 feet long? That’s what I thought too until I saw they were about 6 to 10 inches in length. Pretty cute little critters.

August 14, 2006 - 1:16 pm

Liz - Hooray! A successful sighting!

8.5.06

Gullible me

When I was little, summer weekends were often spent in Lachute, QC at my grandparent’s country house. It was on a small piece of land, no where near water – but somehow we kids seemed to keep ourselves busy and *mostly* out of trouble.

My favourite memories from those trips involved my grandfather. He was always up at the crack of dawn, having a coffee and a cigarette out in the family room, and all the while singing and whistling Frank Sinatra tunes. As soon as I would hear him moving around, I would hop out of bed and race out so I could have him all to myself, if only for a little while.

Without fail I would find him sitting in his armchair, looking out the window that faces the road. And without fail, he would light up when he saw me and would wave his hand for me to hurry over to the window. Once I’d get there he’d always say “Oh Shan…you missed him again. I’m sorry.”

The ‘him’ he was referring to was the local moose. The story was that this moose would saunter up the road every morning, just moments before I peeked my face out of the bedroom (how convenient!). It became my personal mission to rise earlier and earlier to try to catch a glimpse the moose. I never did.

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I’m 31 and I still haven’t. Not only on the road in front of my grandparent’s long sold country house – but anywhere. I’ve seen pictures and moose heads hanging on dan’s uncle’s basement wall (vomit), but I’ve never seen a real live moose. And it’s still something I feel I need to do. In fact, all because of my Pappy and his imaginary Lachute moose (yes, years later I realized that he was pulling my leg – over and over), I’ve been desperate to see one. It’s even graduated to my list of ‘101 Things to Do Before I Die’.

That brings us to this weekend. We are leaving for Saskatoon in a matter of hours. Dan’s aunt and uncle are celebrating 30 years of marriage and we decided that we couldn’t miss it. As excited as I am to see everyone again, I think I’m more excited about having Dan keep his promise from our last visit to his university town: a visit to the zoo. You see, unlike other zoos you may have visited where the stars of the show are lions and tigers and monkeys, the Saskatoon Zoo boasts moose and deer and wolves and foxes. You know, animals that you could easily run into if you were walking deep enough through the woods anywhere in Canada. Anyone but me, apparently.

So…the camera is all charged up (and so is the girl) and with any luck I’ll come back with one of my ‘101 Things to Do Before I Die’ crossed off. This has been a long time coming.

Filed in: Family | Nostalgia | Weird Stuff
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August 8, 2006 - 7:35 am

Shelly - You’re going the to Saskatoon Forestry Farm?? That’s awesome! so many fond memories….from my 4th Birthday (I had a butterfly cake!) to my sisters wedding! hope you had a great time.

August 8, 2006 - 9:01 am

caitlin - Matt and I got a waaaaaay too close and personal viewing of a moose running across and down the highway (in front and next to) the car – EXTREMELY scary … those suckers are HUGE.

so did you see one?

August 8, 2006 - 2:20 pm

dread pirate lindsay - Ah pappy by the window – he use to pull that one on me too. i miss nanny and pappy – waking up to him sitting there by the window… i even miss my procratiation in going to bed when i was in the country while nanny adn pappy would be up talking about everything under the sun. Beattie Road has never been the same since they are no longer there. Every year I drive by the old country house on the way to grandma’s and grandad’s… every year i see the dead tree pappy painted white for holloween, the old well where we’d have to get water, the wild daisies that grew all over their property, and every smell reminds me of them. And every year I get teary eyed when I see how much more the house has been run down than the year before. I dread the year I head down there and there is no more house where nanny and pappy lived in the country….tear.

8.3.06

I’m embarassed for myself

You know how sometimes you see a commercial for a new show, and you think to yourself “wow, television has sunk to a new low.  I can’t believe how lame that’s gonna be”, then you tune in to see how bad it is and you end up becoming strangely addicted?

No?  Well, it’s never happened to me either, until now (actually, that’s a total lie – it happened with “the O.C.”, which thankfully got so crappy and retarded this past season that I had to stop watching it for my own sanity).

Anyway, I’ve been watching Rockstar: Supernova, which is really pretty embarassing.  As someone who LOVES music (especially pay-your-dues indie rock), I should find this type of karaoke-talent-show-that-ends-with-a-real-record-contract pretty offensive.  I should hate it.  And I normally do – I pretty much become homicidal when I hear someone at work talking about last night’s American Idol.  And yet, here I am, confessing to watching pretty much the same show…

*sigh*

Anyway, I’m sure everyone reading this is familiar with the totally unoriginal premise, but just in case you’re lucky enough not to own a television, here are the basics:

  • Gilby Clarke (ex-Guns n’ Roses and Heart guitarist), Jason Newsted (ex-Metallica bass player) and Tommy Lee (ex-amateur porn star and Motely Crue drummer) have formed a band, lamely called “Supernova” that lacks a singer.
  • They’ve assembled a bunch of singers from all over the place to audition for their band.  Seriously, the singers/contestants are from everywhere – there’s even a bald dude from Iceland who looks like Helgi from Super Dodgeball.
  • Dave Navarro and Brooke Burke host the show. 
  • The singers pick songs from a list, practice with a house band, and perform the songs (with the house band) for the members of Supernova, a studio audience, and THE WORLD!
  • Dave and the members of Supernova critique the performances, and people at home call in and vote for who they want to stay on the show.  (No, I’ve never voted, and I hope I never do.)
  • The next day, everyone re-assembles, the bottom 3 vote-getters perform songs again, and the members of Supernova cut one of the singers from the cast.

So basically, the show is pretty much exactly like every other “reality” show… and yet I can’t turn away.

Is it the cast?  I doubt it.  If “Dave Navarro” was in the dictionary, the definition would say “fake rockstar douchebag wanker” (or something along those lines).  He almost ruined the Chili Peppers, his solo album was brutal, and I can’t even express how ridiculous his reality marriage show was.  Jane’s Addiction was a fine band, but that was 15 years ago.  Put a shirt on, you lamewad.

Brooke Burke is basically just eye candy, which is fine, but other than that, she brings absolutely nothing to the table.  Meh.

Jason Newsted and Gilby Clark take themselves way too seriously – their commentary is basically an unending string of rock n’ roll clichés.  They could both easily be replaced by some sort of robot that randomly says things like “that rocked, dude” and “you really captured the spirit of that song” and “in rock and roll, you’ve gotta believe what you’re singing”.  

Tommy “I’ve got all 3 kinds of heppatitis” Lee is, admittedly, pretty entertaining, but it’s also sort of sad watching a 45 year old man act like a horny 15 year old.

The contestants/singers/whatever vary in talent from super crappy to actually pretty decent, and predictably the song selection is pretty much limited to a few rock classics and early-to-mid 90s alt-rock songs.  Really, it’s all VERY predictable. 

And yet, I keep watching.  And I’ve roped Sonja into watching it too.  Why?  I have no idea.  It’s entertaining, for reasons I can’t figure out.  Awful.

What’s even more awful though, is that you’ve just read this whole column about a show you probably don’t watch.  Now you’re curious about it… You’re thinking “say, Mark’s the coolest guy I know.  If he’s watching this show, it must be amazing”, and you’re gonna start watching it to see what all the fuss is about.

Good. 

It’ll all become slightly less embarassing for me if everyone I know is watching the same crap as I am. 

Misery loves company.

Last 5 songs: “ring of fire” – dilana; “the fox” – sleater-kinney; “heel” – the toadies; “the man with no skin” – great lake swimmers; “glasgow mega-snake” – mogwai; “what’s golden” – jurassic 5

Filed in: Entertainment | Rants
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August 3, 2006 - 8:00 am

Kris - I, too, have suffered from the strange affliction of becoming addicted to the new lows TV has been sinking into. Case in point: Canada’s Next Top Model, which was possibly the most embarassing trainwreck of a production Canada could have aired, besides that made-for-TV movie about Shania Twain’s life. However, I watched the entire thing. Right down to when Andrearexic took home the crown, despite being one of the most pathetic TV characters to grace the small screen. EVER.

However, I am saved by the fact that most of these new shows require two or three nights a week of my precious time, just to keep up.

Thank god America’s Next Top Model is a one-night-a-week affair.

August 3, 2006 - 8:23 am

Shelly - Wow. Watching Rockstar Supernova is the most shocking admission I’ve heard from Mark since he told me he likes the song Return of the Mack.

August 3, 2006 - 8:26 am

mark - what? I never said that. Return of the Mack is awful.

August 3, 2006 - 9:40 am

Jessie - You know, you haven’t really sunk to a new low in TV watching until you’ve found yourself watching back-to-back episodes of Laguna Beach: The Real O.C. – which Sonja and I have been known to do on occasion. Or, my other guilty reality-tv pleasure: Miami Ink. I don’t know why, but I just can’t look away.

I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that given a choice between those shows and an old re-run of DaVinci’s Inquest, I’d go with DaVinci all the way. Now, is that comforting, or just plain (in the words of David Brent) PA-thetic!?

August 3, 2006 - 10:56 am

Ben - I passed by Supernova the other night and caught some chach-wad crooning, and absolutely mutilating, one of Cobain’s masterpieces, “All Appologies” I think, while molesting a young female member of the audience. Who the hell does this guy think he is? Nirvana was a reaction against all the hair-metal, superstar, cock-rock of the eighties (basically everything Supernova aims to be). Worse yet the cult of celebrity slowly consumed Cobain before he decided to escape it forever. This loser’s performance was a perversion of a masterpiece and an insult to the life and memory of one of music’s most influential icons.

RANT ON!

Shameless promotion: Come on out for some great indie rock (whatever that is, I’m not sure anymore) at Zaphod’s next Wednesday, August 9th. As the Poets Affirm and Acres will be sure to cure your Supernova blues. $5 at the door, 9pm start.

August 3, 2006 - 11:42 am

mark - Agreed. the misuse of Nirvana songs (they’ve done a bunch of them) is one of the many things that makes Rockstar so cringe-worthy. Strangely, there have been no Pearl Jam or Alice in Chains songs used on the show, which leads me to believe that they need permission from the artists/labels before adding them to the song list. Since Courtney Love owns 99% of the rights to the Nirvana catalog, there’s your culprit. Not surprisingly.

August 3, 2006 - 1:59 pm

Sonja - Actually Mark, Shannen got me hooked on Rockstar. My money is on either Dilana or Storm Large to win it all.

I’m feel no shame over my addiction to Laguna Beach, it’s not like I’m still watching Survivor.

August 3, 2006 - 3:06 pm

Kris - I love “Laguna Beach”. And “8th and Ocean”. And “The Hills”. I don’t know what I did before MTV Canada.

I have a problem.

August 4, 2006 - 7:41 am

Shelly - Oops! I meant No Diggity!! I don’t know HOW I could have mixed up such different tunes.

August 8, 2006 - 12:27 pm

dan - I resent paying a small portion of my cable bill for MTV Canada.

Shannen sometimes ropes me in to keeping her company while she watches terrible reality shows like _____’s Next Top Model. She had to rope me in for the first episode of Rock Star Supernova, but it’s been my choice since then.

3 that will be around until the end: Storm, Lucas, Ryan.

Next 3 out (in order): Jill, Patrice, Dilana.

August 10, 2006 - 7:38 am

Shannen - Let me just state for the record that the roping of Dan is not too difficult.

I almost agree with Dan about who’ll be around until the end…except for his Ryan pick. Ryan won’t go too much further. He’s just not right for their band. I’ll replace his Ryan for my Dilana. She writes crappy songs, but has the talent and the look. Oh…and Magni. Magni’s been decent lately.

As for MTV Canada. At the odd time, when there is a show being aired, MTV is not bad. I’ve found myself hooked after just one episode of tv shows that I do not care to discuss in a public forum…Ahem…’8th and Ocean’. Oops.

I will say that if they were to dump the intermission duds (that’s worth a whole rant in itself) and the whole MTV Live concept, I would watch even more. Whatever happened to music actually being played on music television? What a concept.

August 10, 2006 - 11:20 am

dan - I’m sticking by my Dilana hating. She hasn’t fallen yet, but she will. The nail in her coffin was her original composition she sang on Monday, August 7th. Worse lyrics than Simple Plan.

I agree that Magni is coming into his own. If I could pick 4, he’d be the 4th. But I can’t. Sorry, not my rules.