You know how sometimes you see a commercial for a new show, and you think to yourself “wow, television has sunk to a new low. I can’t believe how lame that’s gonna be”, then you tune in to see how bad it is and you end up becoming strangely addicted?
No? Well, it’s never happened to me either, until now (actually, that’s a total lie – it happened with “the O.C.”, which thankfully got so crappy and retarded this past season that I had to stop watching it for my own sanity).
Anyway, I’ve been watching Rockstar: Supernova, which is really pretty embarassing. As someone who LOVES music (especially pay-your-dues indie rock), I should find this type of karaoke-talent-show-that-ends-with-a-real-record-contract pretty offensive. I should hate it. And I normally do – I pretty much become homicidal when I hear someone at work talking about last night’s American Idol. And yet, here I am, confessing to watching pretty much the same show…
*sigh*
Anyway, I’m sure everyone reading this is familiar with the totally unoriginal premise, but just in case you’re lucky enough not to own a television, here are the basics:
- Gilby Clarke (ex-Guns n’ Roses and Heart guitarist), Jason Newsted (ex-Metallica bass player) and Tommy Lee (ex-amateur porn star and Motely Crue drummer) have formed a band, lamely called “Supernova” that lacks a singer.
- They’ve assembled a bunch of singers from all over the place to audition for their band. Seriously, the singers/contestants are from everywhere – there’s even a bald dude from Iceland who looks like Helgi from Super Dodgeball.
- Dave Navarro and Brooke Burke host the show.
- The singers pick songs from a list, practice with a house band, and perform the songs (with the house band) for the members of Supernova, a studio audience, and THE WORLD!
- Dave and the members of Supernova critique the performances, and people at home call in and vote for who they want to stay on the show. (No, I’ve never voted, and I hope I never do.)
- The next day, everyone re-assembles, the bottom 3 vote-getters perform songs again, and the members of Supernova cut one of the singers from the cast.
So basically, the show is pretty much exactly like every other “reality” show… and yet I can’t turn away.
Is it the cast? I doubt it. If “Dave Navarro” was in the dictionary, the definition would say “fake rockstar douchebag wanker” (or something along those lines). He almost ruined the Chili Peppers, his solo album was brutal, and I can’t even express how ridiculous his reality marriage show was. Jane’s Addiction was a fine band, but that was 15 years ago. Put a shirt on, you lamewad.
Brooke Burke is basically just eye candy, which is fine, but other than that, she brings absolutely nothing to the table. Meh.
Jason Newsted and Gilby Clark take themselves way too seriously – their commentary is basically an unending string of rock n’ roll clichés. They could both easily be replaced by some sort of robot that randomly says things like “that rocked, dude” and “you really captured the spirit of that song” and “in rock and roll, you’ve gotta believe what you’re singing”.
Tommy “I’ve got all 3 kinds of heppatitis” Lee is, admittedly, pretty entertaining, but it’s also sort of sad watching a 45 year old man act like a horny 15 year old.
The contestants/singers/whatever vary in talent from super crappy to actually pretty decent, and predictably the song selection is pretty much limited to a few rock classics and early-to-mid 90s alt-rock songs. Really, it’s all VERY predictable.
And yet, I keep watching. And I’ve roped Sonja into watching it too. Why? I have no idea. It’s entertaining, for reasons I can’t figure out. Awful.
What’s even more awful though, is that you’ve just read this whole column about a show you probably don’t watch. Now you’re curious about it… You’re thinking “say, Mark’s the coolest guy I know. If he’s watching this show, it must be amazing”, and you’re gonna start watching it to see what all the fuss is about.
Good.
It’ll all become slightly less embarassing for me if everyone I know is watching the same crap as I am.
Misery loves company.
Last 5 songs: “ring of fire” – dilana; “the fox” – sleater-kinney; “heel” – the toadies; “the man with no skin” – great lake swimmers; “glasgow mega-snake” – mogwai; “what’s golden” – jurassic 5
Kris - I, too, have suffered from the strange affliction of becoming addicted to the new lows TV has been sinking into. Case in point: Canada’s Next Top Model, which was possibly the most embarassing trainwreck of a production Canada could have aired, besides that made-for-TV movie about Shania Twain’s life. However, I watched the entire thing. Right down to when Andrearexic took home the crown, despite being one of the most pathetic TV characters to grace the small screen. EVER.
However, I am saved by the fact that most of these new shows require two or three nights a week of my precious time, just to keep up.
Thank god America’s Next Top Model is a one-night-a-week affair.
Shelly - Wow. Watching Rockstar Supernova is the most shocking admission I’ve heard from Mark since he told me he likes the song Return of the Mack.
mark - what? I never said that. Return of the Mack is awful.
Jessie - You know, you haven’t really sunk to a new low in TV watching until you’ve found yourself watching back-to-back episodes of Laguna Beach: The Real O.C. – which Sonja and I have been known to do on occasion. Or, my other guilty reality-tv pleasure: Miami Ink. I don’t know why, but I just can’t look away.
I try to comfort myself with the knowledge that given a choice between those shows and an old re-run of DaVinci’s Inquest, I’d go with DaVinci all the way. Now, is that comforting, or just plain (in the words of David Brent) PA-thetic!?
Ben - I passed by Supernova the other night and caught some chach-wad crooning, and absolutely mutilating, one of Cobain’s masterpieces, “All Appologies” I think, while molesting a young female member of the audience. Who the hell does this guy think he is? Nirvana was a reaction against all the hair-metal, superstar, cock-rock of the eighties (basically everything Supernova aims to be). Worse yet the cult of celebrity slowly consumed Cobain before he decided to escape it forever. This loser’s performance was a perversion of a masterpiece and an insult to the life and memory of one of music’s most influential icons.
RANT ON!
Shameless promotion: Come on out for some great indie rock (whatever that is, I’m not sure anymore) at Zaphod’s next Wednesday, August 9th. As the Poets Affirm and Acres will be sure to cure your Supernova blues. $5 at the door, 9pm start.
mark - Agreed. the misuse of Nirvana songs (they’ve done a bunch of them) is one of the many things that makes Rockstar so cringe-worthy. Strangely, there have been no Pearl Jam or Alice in Chains songs used on the show, which leads me to believe that they need permission from the artists/labels before adding them to the song list. Since Courtney Love owns 99% of the rights to the Nirvana catalog, there’s your culprit. Not surprisingly.
Sonja - Actually Mark, Shannen got me hooked on Rockstar. My money is on either Dilana or Storm Large to win it all.
I’m feel no shame over my addiction to Laguna Beach, it’s not like I’m still watching Survivor.
Kris - I love “Laguna Beach”. And “8th and Ocean”. And “The Hills”. I don’t know what I did before MTV Canada.
I have a problem.
Shelly - Oops! I meant No Diggity!! I don’t know HOW I could have mixed up such different tunes.
dan - I resent paying a small portion of my cable bill for MTV Canada.
Shannen sometimes ropes me in to keeping her company while she watches terrible reality shows like _____’s Next Top Model. She had to rope me in for the first episode of Rock Star Supernova, but it’s been my choice since then.
3 that will be around until the end: Storm, Lucas, Ryan.
Next 3 out (in order): Jill, Patrice, Dilana.
Shannen - Let me just state for the record that the roping of Dan is not too difficult.
I almost agree with Dan about who’ll be around until the end…except for his Ryan pick. Ryan won’t go too much further. He’s just not right for their band. I’ll replace his Ryan for my Dilana. She writes crappy songs, but has the talent and the look. Oh…and Magni. Magni’s been decent lately.
As for MTV Canada. At the odd time, when there is a show being aired, MTV is not bad. I’ve found myself hooked after just one episode of tv shows that I do not care to discuss in a public forum…Ahem…’8th and Ocean’. Oops.
I will say that if they were to dump the intermission duds (that’s worth a whole rant in itself) and the whole MTV Live concept, I would watch even more. Whatever happened to music actually being played on music television? What a concept.
dan - I’m sticking by my Dilana hating. She hasn’t fallen yet, but she will. The nail in her coffin was her original composition she sang on Monday, August 7th. Worse lyrics than Simple Plan.
I agree that Magni is coming into his own. If I could pick 4, he’d be the 4th. But I can’t. Sorry, not my rules.