forgetful

With no new baby news from Shannen in awhile, and with Dan finally deciding to give up betting on football (a wise move) or at least not telling us about it anymore, it’s been a bit of a slow week here on forgetful, so here’s something amazing to entertain the masses (all 5 of you).

Kenny Powers and his rocket powered car of destiny

The above video is hosted on youtube. It must be seen. If you work somewhere that blocks youtube, you should probably consider getting a new job.

For it’s sheer ridiculousness, I’m pretty sure this is the best thing ever in the history of the internet. I’ve watched it a couple of times now, and I think some things need to be addressed…

The music at the beginning of this video is fantastic. Tremendous, even. It sounds like circus music.

This stunt cost a million dollars according to the narrator, but apparently nobody thought to hire someone with any sort of knowledge of aerodynamics. One would assume that when attempting to fly an entire mile in a rocket-powered car, that aerodynamics would be at the forefront of the planning process, but perhaps that’s crazy talk. I mean, is there a less aerodynamic car than a Lincoln Continental? Was that really the best they could do? I guess cube vans were the only other vehicles available in 1976. The useless little metal wings welded to the side of the car are a nice touch – they really drive home the fact that the stunt co-ordinators had absolutely no idea what they were doing. Honestly – little wings? Is this a cartoon?

I was out drinking somewhere recently (might have been at Jason’s “welcome home from Iraq” party) and in a strange coincidence, discussed this video with someone who’s actually from Morrisburg. He mentioned that the part of Ogden Island that faces the jump is actually a cliff, though it doesn’t look very cliff-like in the movie. Also, if you pay attention during the video, there doesn’t seem to be any sort of landing ramp on Ogden Island. So basically, if this jump had been “successful”, Kenny Powers would have either slammed face first into a cliff, OR fallen out of the sky on to flat ground with no deceleration ramp in a car filled with rocket fuel. Outstanding. As it turns out, blowing up in mid-air and breaking his back was the best and safest thing that could have happened.

The narrator says that Kenny will experience up to 30 Gs of force during the jump. I don’t remember a whole lot from first year physics, but that seems like a lot. I’m pretty sure people pass out at like 5 Gs. Apparently rocket-powered Lincoln Continentals disintegrate.

“Powers was lucky – he had broken his back. This was nothing new, for he had suffered the same injury 7 times before” – Narrator. I don’t know how to even begin addressing that, but look at how the guys carry him away from his car. Apparently none of that million dollars went to medical expertise either.

Mrs. Powers seems to be extremely good looking. This might not have anything to do with anything, but perhaps that’s what motivated Kenny to do something so ridiculous. There’s a lesson to be learned here: if you’re not good at anything and don’t like trivial things like “planning” and “safety” but you’d really like a hot wife, become a really crappy daredevil. Maybe she just really likes broken backs. There are fetishes for everything.

While this stunt was obviously flawed from the beginning of whatever planning process there was, you sort of have to respect a guy willing to risk so much, just for a few seconds of “hey did you hear what that crazy !@#$ Kenny Powers did this weekend?” water cooler fame. Or not. I don’t know, but I do know that whoever put this clip on youtube deserves some praise. So thank you, “elpmurc” – you are truly a god among… nerds.

“Did I make it? Is everybody pleased?”

No and yes, Kenny. No and yes.

Last 5 songs: “hunting for witches” – bloc party; “waiting for the 7.18” – bloc party; “the prayer” – bloc party; “uniform” – bloc party; “on” – bloc party