The downside…

I’m leaving tomorrow and I’m not yet mentally prepared to leave Jaia for that long.  Yes, she’s home with her dad.  Yes, there’s no better place for her to be.  Yes, she’ll be safe and happy and will barely notice that I’m gone.  But it’s me I’m worried about.

I’ve never spent more than two night away in her short 28 months.  And though she was home and happy, I thought about her constantly.  I think we truly take spending time with our kids for granted.  On the longest days, we are more than grateful when bedtime rolls around.  We can finally relax, kick up our feet, enjoy an adult conversation with our spouse or watch a television show without being distracted.

But more often than not, I miss having her there after  she’s safely tucked into bed and off in dreamland.  I had a child, not because it was the next thing to do in life, but because I really wanted to be a mom.  I like it.  I like watching her grow and change and ask questions and learn new things and, most recently and best of all,  crack jokes.  She makes me laugh constantly and Dan and I suddenly find ourselves sneaking glances at each other at the hilarious and such grown-up sounding things she comes up with. 

And the changes happen fast.  And I’m gone for 6 full nights.  That might seem like nothing, and before you know it I’ll be back, but to me, 6 nights away is an eternity.  I’m already trying to plan phone call timing to make sure I can have a chat with her every day and will be scoping out the internet cafés in the area to be able to check in on them via forgetful.ca – which I was assured would be updated regularly.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m super pumped about getting away, being away and seeing a part of the world I’ve always wanted to see…I just know I’m going to miss my bean.  A lot.  In preparation, I’ve written her a card for her to open each morning that I’m away – and was sneaky enough to include stickers  (puffy Winnie the Pooh and Finding Nemo stickers) for her sticker book so she’d be extra excited to open every one of them.  I mean, she is only 2 and is not likely get overly emotional about the written word – but she will jump up and down for new stickers.  I found happy middle ground.

So that’s where I stand.  Very excited to get on a plane and get the hell out of Dodge, but a little anxious about leaving Jaia (and Dan) behind.  But I’ll be ok.  And we’ll make it work.  On the tough days they may get two (or three) phonecalls instead of one.  And although I haven’t been there and won’t be able to confirm until the weekend, but something tells me ample amounts of French wine and delicious cheese and bread will help soothe the pain…