méli-mélo

I figure it might be time to write something again as it’s been awhile, and at least two people have asked me to write something (I’ve got fans!).  Unfortunately, I’m not really in a ranty mood lately.  I feel like Milhouse when he’s wearing capri pants – “My feet are soaked, but my cuffs are bone dry!  Everything’s comin’ up Milhouse!”.  I don’t actually own any capri pants, but lately everything’s been coming up mark (which is good) but that doesn’t leave me with all that much to complain about (which is bad).

Sure, I could write something positive, like about how friggin awesome the new Pearl Jam album is, but it’s been out for a few weeks now, and if you don’t realize that it’s going to be one of the best albums of the year, I’m afraid there’s just no helping you.  You should go buy it though – it’s a lot like their last few albums, except roughly 100x better.

Anyway, back on topic… here are a couple of minor things that are kind of irking me, grinding my gears, stuck in my craw, etc. but that I really don’t have all that much to say about.

engagement parties: I can dig the fact that when two people decide that they’d like to officially spend the rest of their lives together that that makes their friends and family happy, and it’s cause for great celebration… but isn’t that what the wedding is for?  Maybe I’m completely missing the point, but is it really necessary to celebrate the fact that there’s going to soon be a celebration?  Doesn’t that seem like overkill?   Isn’t it sort of like buying a car so you can drive to the car dealership to buy a better car? 

Silly analogies aside, weddings are already enormously big business.  If engagement parties really start to pick up steam, is the big-business wedding-machine far behind?  Will there be engagement presents?  Rehearsal engagement parties?  I can tell you one thing, if I ever have to buy a new suit for a wedding because everyone already saw my suit-du-jour at the engagement party, I’m gonna be awfully tempted to gnaw off my arm and beat myself to death with it.  You’ve all been warned.

Anyway, I think people should revolt against engagement parties.  If everyone reading this tells a friend or two, and they tell a friend or two, pretty soon like 10-12 people will be on the sane side of this battle.  And maybe that’ll keep at least a few of us from having to go to another unecessary engagement party.

seniors driving minivans: In the last few weeks, I’ve noticed something disturbing – senior citizens driving minivans.  I’m not a big fan of minivans to begin with, but I do see how they could be pretty useful if you tend to cart around your kids and their friends and such.  I don’t however, see any reason why someone who clearly doesn’t have kids anymore would want to (or should even be allowed to, if you’ll allow me to get militant about it) drive a minivan.  This isn’t an isolated incident of one old guy with some sort of weird desire to drive around 7 of his friends – I saw 3 seniors driving minivans TODAY.

 I just can’t figure it out.  Is it like an advanced mid-life crisis for older people?  40 year olds buy unecessary sports cars to feel 20 again… are seniors buying minivans to feel 40 again?  Like some sort of 2/3-life crisis?

I can tell you one thing – when I reach retirement age, I’m either buying a sports car, or some sort of large steel sedan with a V12 under the hood.  If I’m feeling particularly bastardly, I’ll buy whatever kind of car the cops are using at the time, paint it white with a blue stripe, put a huge antenna on the back, winter rims and a roof rack, drive on the highway and watch as people slow way down and move to the right lane when they seem me driving up behind them.

camouflage:  It’s May 29th, and the camouflage craze of the summer of 2006 is already boring.

“it is what it is”:  This seems to be the go-to phrase lately when someone has nothing left to say about a given subject.  I don’t know where it came from, or even what the hell it means, but “it is what it is” has been all over the place lately.  Jason Giambi said it when he was trying to apologize for taking steroids, without actually admitting that he took steroids.  Rasheed Wallace said it when asked about the near choke of the Pistons after he promised a victory.  Barry Bonds has said it so often recently in response to just about every question, he might as well tattoo it on his globe-sized forehead.  I’m pretty sure I even heard recently-axed White House speaker Scott McLelland say it (possibly on Leno).  Needless to say, this expression has really caught fire, despite the fact that it doesn’t appear to actually mean anything.  I don’t know why it bugs me so much, but ever since I first noticed it, it’s become like fingernails on a blackboard or a cat in a blender.  Just awful.

Last 5 songs heard on my iPod: Pearl Jam – “Severed Hand”, Pearl Jam – “Marker in the Sand”, Pearl Jam – “Come Back”, Pearl Jam – “Army Reserve”, Pearl Jam – “Unemployable”.