OAFE award: chocolate milk
I was recently looking through the few columns I’ve posted, and noticed something disturbing. 25% of my column output to this point has been (at least moderately) in praise of reality television. Sure, I call it a guilty pleasure, openly admit that I’m ashamed of myself for watching, and I make fun of it wherever I can. However, not only have I been watching this crap, but I’ve also been taking the time to write about it which, to some degree, promotes it. That’s pretty awful. I don’t like these shows, and I don’t want them to succeed.
Therefore, to change things up, I’m going to write about something that I do want to succeed, that I’m proud to love, and without a word of hyperbole is probably the greatest invention of all time: chocolate milk.
Growing up, I never had chocolate milk. My parents were too concerned about trivial matters like “healthy eating” and “cavity-free check-ups”. In retrospect, it was probably a good idea - if a supply of chocolate milk had existed in our house, it would have been consumed at every opportunity, including on cereal, Calvin and Hobbes-style.
However, now that I’m an adult (more-or-less), I can (and do) consume chocolate milk at every opportunity, and I can never seem to have enough of it. I’m addicted, my desire fuelled by 18 years of chocolate milk scarcity. It’s not that normal homo milk is bad, it’s just a bit too… gay.
(sorry, I couldn’t resist)
The weird thing is, I don’t even really like chocolate. Most peculiar.
Anyway, while performing research for this column (research being synonymous for “checking to see if there’s a ‘chocolate milk’ entry on wikipedia” – there is), I learned a few interesting things about my favourite drink:
Having a good ratio of protein and carbohydrates, it’s a good thing to drink after sports. This ratio also makes it a good hangover cure. So basically, it goes well with sports and beer – sorry dogs, man has a new best friend.
- Despite containing a lot of calcium, you don’t get much calcium from drinking chocolate milk because the calcium reacts with oxalic acid, creating a salt that can’t be metabolized. I guess this isn’t really a good thing, but who needs calcium, anyway? Osteoporosis is an old wives tale.
Fascinating. In fact, I’m so enamored with chocolate milk and it’s abilities to make a crappy day at work slightly less crappy, I’m going to award an OAFE award to chocolate milk. The recognition is long overdue.
last 5 songs: "come back" - pearl jam; "memorial day" - perceptionists; "cowboys" - portishead; "maps (YYYs cover)" - the arcade fire; "sodom, south georgia" - iron & wine